my resolve was broken today
and at long last i succumed and gave in to temptation
went shopping with thesister
and as always
spent s shitload of money
but had a glorious time as always
being stupid
trying on like a gazillion outfits and shoes and what not
someone claims she is becoming a mini me
which really is an interesting preposition that i havent given much thought to and am currently unsure of how much truth that statement holds but oh well

saw loads and loads and loads of pretty things that i like
but cant buy them
cos its expensive and i am broke
i am sad
*poutss*
oh my god i am starting to sound like my sister
stop it sera stop it.
ARghh..
i just did it again
NO!!!!!!
see that always seems to happen when we spend too much time together.
i get all rambly and rubbishy and school-girly

bumped particular someone today
my heart still skips a bit each chance meeting.
she really isnt all that bad looking
and the sister agrees
so THERE.

If it means nothing to you 
Why do you sing with me at all?

it has hence come to my attention that i have just been so caught up in the emotion of things that the whole event itself just seems to brush past me.
i remember not what it is that happens
instead the taste and flavour that it leaves behind
and every wave and emotion that rushes over me
leaves me breathless
panting
and always wanting more
beacuse after the first headed rush all that is left is emptiness and a huge gaping void
and i am silently screaming out
crying tears that will not fall

i tried to write normally
about what i did the whole weekend
but somehow i couldnt find the words to do so

spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
theres always some reason to feel not good enough
and its hard at the end of the day

i love bubbles...
perfect circles flying in the wind
the way they catch the light as they float upwards into the open sky
but they only last for but a moment
fragile and delicate
the lightest touch will cause them to simply burst and disappear

i'm living my life in a bubble
soon it will all come to nothing

Let me be empty, and weightless,
And maybe I'll find some peace tonight.

We might kiss when we are alone
When nobody's watching
We might take it home
We might make out when nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate

i have 9 hours to finish one semester of economics
but i also need my 9 hours of beauty sleep and travelling time to get to the hall for my paper
so that most likely means that i will NOT get any work done tonight
and that i will see my face starring back at me from the grave
which really is not gonna be a pleasant sight.
in all honesty though
i really do not wish to torture myself further
and have enough things on my mind that are clogging up brain space
and somehow they just refuse to make room for anything else
so yes SCREW it.
hopefully tomorrow in the hall i'd be able to seive through all the junk in my head to dig out JC econs that hopefully will be of help.

i vehemently swear for the upteen time that little boys
(actually all males in general and in any form)
are absolute terrible and detestable.

i am sitting in class now..
to the background noise of three screaming and yelling boys who simply refuse to shut up and are intent on making my life miserable
i am still torn in between marvelling at their ingenuity and creativity at coming up with "amusing" ideas or tearing my hair out and choking their throats at the absolute absurdness of it all..
which in all honesty is simply just ridiculous.
ARGH
yes we all know that money does not come easy
but that doesnt mean that i am not entitled to whine and complain.

they seem to think that they can outwitt me with stupid comments
and smart aleck retorts that serve to do nothing to get on my nerves further
the worse part of this whole arrangement is that i am not allowed to lose my temper with these DORKS.
xxxx

dont leave me here alone
dont go to where i cant follow
i'm afraid of loosing you

we began by moving beautifully in time
to the lovely strains echoing out of the speakers.
your hands gently encircling my waist
holding mine in yours
satin skirt flying with each twirl
as you guide me across the room
your gaze holding my eyes
a smile painted across my face
my tresses sweeping my back

but now i'm tired of this never ending waltz
but feet are crying out in my heels
you're holding me too tightly and its hurting
stop tredding on my toes.

Tell me what to do
So I could be with you
Tell me how to be
So you could love me...

i waited for that sudden jolt
the pain that would piercce through me
but it didnt come
instead there was just this stillness and coldness
slowly creeping into my bones
the stealthy steps of the most experienced burglar
so silent and gentle that you didnt even notice its approach
all you notice is the emptiness and the void after having been robbed of everything

You know when you've found it,
There's something I've learned
'Cause you feel it when they take it away

silence does not even come close to acceptance
i just couldnt find the words
couldnt muster the strength to gather emotion and to string a sentance together
its a resignation
and helplessness at all that has befallen

theres no point in aiming for the stars
or chasing the rainbow
you will never get there.

well just for the record
my exams are over and i am gloriously spending my days doing nothing of particular significance
except maybe for wasting my life away
and quarreling with the female authority we all have in the house called the mother
who has suddenly decided to take an active interest in my life
and exert her rights to enquire about the
whos wheres whats of my coming and goings
and simply just getting on my nerves
and thredding on everyones toes.
she has unfortunately chosen me as the poor victim(audience) to whom she performs her continuous operatic pieces
which in all honesty are a pain to my ears
the broken record that just refuses to spoil
that simply just keeps playing
and you are well just powerless to stop it

you've unclipped its wings and opened the hatch
ones its tasted freedom
theres no getting it back

"i just want to be happy"
i want that for you too
more than anything else in the world.

sometimes no matter how hard you search
how frantically you dig
what is lost can never be found again
a torn shirt mended will always show evidence of stiching
a broken glass its many cracks
you cant see the visible strains in something intangible
but you feel it because you know the difference
and you sense the absence of what should be there.

i'm waving my arms around fanatically
writhing my body in agony
mustering every ounce of strength i have
fighting to stay afloat.
but my arms are failing
and my body is letting me down
maybe its time to stop
to just give up and let the tide wash over me
and carry my limp body where ever it wants to take me

tonight (or should i say early this morning)
sera had her first ride in a tow truck
thanks no less to her FIRST car breakdown since getting her license
the credit in fact should be given to the father
who in all honesty left the car in a deplorable state
like a ticking time bomb..
only that in this case, instead of exploding, it was gonna die out

i owe thank yous
to angelo and his friends who came by to help
i appreciate it and sorry to trouble you guys

sitting on the road divider
under a moonless and starless sky
simply just watching the cars pass me by is strangely an interesting experience
as is wandering and loitering around town alone.
time to myself and my random thoughts
all swarming my head
whizing around like wizards on broomsticks
threatening to knock each other over
flying out of control.

the emptiness continues to eat into me
and soon i think that there will be nothing left but an empty shell.

"i love you...why wont you let me?
why wont you let me love you?"

once again their came with their pitch forks and knives
flaming torches illuminating the darkness
casting long shadows on the ground.
hounding at the door
yelling at the top of their voices.
i had no resistance no defence
simply stood aside and let them barge through the door
raging like the angry tide
a sea of fury bent on destroying everything in sight
and everything they took
till there was nothing left.
just shambles and ramnants strewn on the ground
trampled over stomped on
and once again i have left alone out in the cold.
longing for the warmth and comfort of the flames
crackling merrily in the fireplace
licking the wood as it burns slowly down
dancing hues of orange and yellow
light up my eyes
and i turn to smile...at you.
but all thats left now is just dust and ashes
and i know that you will never return.

there is always a price to pay for everything
i paid for my happiness with tears.

she looks down at the face not unlike her own
lying silent in the cushioned black rectangular box
half covered in satin sheets
a black rose in her hands
the colour was all gone from her face
the blood from her crinsom lips
there was no denying the face and look of death
i move my hands to close the lid
a ray of sunlight catches a piece of silver
the butterfly around her necks glitters one last time.
it shuts with an omminous thud
shrouding the contents in darkness.

gingerly the case is lowered into the ground
overhead it is raining
a light drizzle as raindrops fall lightly
their short lives coming to an end the moment they hit the ground
and she mules over the irony of their existence -
wondering if they ever get tired of the endless cycle
of changing states
of rising then falling again
always falling.
they continue to heap the soft earth to fill the gaping hole
each spadeful falling with a barely audible thud
they hurry. the man with burly shoulders working frantically to keep the rain from wetting and spoiling the soil
grunting and panting from the exhaustion
so little time so much to do.

she kneels down infront of the fresh mound
a red rose in her hands
tears fall openly and freely
saying goodbye is never easy,
especially to a part of yourself
but she had no choice
it had to be done

its over
well almost but whatever
i am already in a celebratory mood and ready to throw studiousness and my books to the skies and see them pathetically trying to flap their pages before falling to the floor with a resounding thud.
i am terrible and incorrigible i know
but really i have come to realise that studying is not the thing for me
was trying to stare through the mist in the hope of discerning my future when i realised that it is all a terribly hazy and uncertain path.
connived an intelligent plan to live off and with a particular someone
(just live with, no strings attached)
but unfortunately my ingenious idea was blatantly turned down and flung deep into the ocean
which is really sad cos it would have been really fun and cute and nice
not to mention that i would be well provided for
free lodging and food
gleefully and shamelessly sponging off someone- really not bad at all
ahh well my bubble's been pricked with a pin
hear it pop resoundingly in my ear
really
sometimes i like you much better sick and helpless
but only sometimes. theres joy derived too from playfully nipping at each other's throats

i wanna sleep but my heartbeat is still racing from flightplan
action movies are not meant for people with a weak heart and small guts
even now i still fear the look of death
i cant look the dead in the face.

happy birthday mummy

exams are the most terrible way to crawl out of my lovely weekend
rudely dragged out from under the duvet and among soft fluffy down pillows
i have been thrown head first into the turbulent seas with sharks swimming menacingly around me
or perhaps it could be likened to standing in a clearing in the middle of the african grassplains
the sun glaring down relentlessly
a brilliant display of might and power
bent on heating up and drying everything in her path.
lions circle around on their padded feet
barring their sharp fangs.
i long for the coolness of the air conditioner
the security of the bed
the familiarity of the clutter and mess
filled with booby traps
and time slows to a crawl.

save me!
one down 4 to go

happiness is hearing you burst out in spontaneous laughter
watching the smile light up your eyes
see the glow and twinkle in them
waking up to you lying next to me
and knowing,
that its all real.

i could never bear the sight of your back disappearing into the distance...
of you walking away from me

lying close to you
hearing your heart beating
and i'm wondering what your dreaming...

wildflowers are always the most beautiful
but you can never take them home
they belong...out there in the open

the morning mist has barely lifted
and the sun just kisses and brushes against the surface of the sky
the gravel crumbles beneath our feet
the trees wave their branches in welcome
arms outstretched
the wind dashes to greet me and i shiver in response
crying out against the chill.
along the widening path
the teasing turns
the dense vegetation slowly gives way to and empty open field that stretches down for miles
the beauty of the wilderness
made even more wonderful with you by my side

dont wanna wake up alone anymore

god knows i do love you again

it only happens once in a lifeime
when you've found it
dont ever let it go.

what i have done today:
- send camera for servicing
- buy table
- eat duck noodles
- set up wireless
- play mahjong
- attend birthday dinner

what i SHOULD have done today:
- Study!!

yes sera you are so dead